“Melodic Fervor”
Your tiny hands when rested on my palm…
The nurses said me to stay calm…
But how could I??
It was your first sight, a snivel of love dropped from the eye…
Although I had felt you since months nine…
But for that moment u felt like a kin to divine….
You had oozed out of cocoon weeping hard...
But the curve of the lips turned upside as you saw me…Your mother…your guard…
I had decided to fill your spectrum with colors infinite...
Though fear of blues and blacks tried to put me aside …
But my efforts had paid…You grew from ‘Master tiny’ to ‘Mr. Teen’…
To keep you independent, I kept my hands off your reach
So that in all matters, you yourself decide ‘acceptance’ or ‘breach’
But whenever you looked down in fears…
I kept my hands open to boost you up if your poise disappears…
They said my son was unwanted and untalked…
But I knew an endowment in you, was surely locked…
They said your son has this puff of air…
They said me…”why build castles in the air”?
But u silenced them all...
YOU stood up, before their baseless scrutiny could make you fall...
Sorry I forgot to tell you all…
For my daily bread. I work as cleaning lady for a guitar teacher...Mr. Paul…
******************************************************
One fine day… in the ambience of pin drop stillness
One of his new students had struck a guitar chord…
Each strike of beat was brisk and pristine as sung for LORD...
While cleaning the table I turned around
I wiped my spectacles to trace the one whose voice was newly found??
Amazed to see the boy at my back …
He was you…my son. u had proved it with your knack…
Mr. Paul stood upright...
APPLAUSE FOR ‘MY SON ‘BY MR. PAUL...!”... I still beholden that sight
As you strike each chord….I experience sips of “the drink of bliss...”
In my verve and zest… lay in the soul of your music, my son…! its in here that my real vitality exists….!!!!!!!
“I+I-I-A…CONFUSED.!!!!!”
A right know-how is INTELLIGENCE…
Oh…that in our world is no less….
Who doesn’t want their children to be born with it..
Its indeed..”MOST WANTED”….in this world, so complicatedly knit…
Just a table spoon of proud makes it ARROGANCE…
When ‘WE’ is somewhere in the corner and ‘I’ is added immense…
When others every positive ACT gets doubted by your ‘sixth sense’….
Hence what blocks more of the learning is this ARROGANCE…
Thus what gets cooked in the kitchen of thought is IGNORANCE….
And hence what stands ‘least and last’…is the innocent INNOSENCE…”
People think its added at the end for a better taste
WAKE UP…missing it in the beginning..is like losing in haste…
This ingredient silently says….
“
Don’t trust blindly…
But wait before showing utter disbelief…
Say what you mean and mean what you say..
But say it on evidence of not “what is heard” but “what is seen..”
What misses in you and me…
Is the right order and priority of these 3 I’s and 1 A.…
And Mind it.. perfect it has to be….!!!
Ofcourse we cant win completely over our thoughts…..
But may be a little awareness can help us atleast loosen the wrong knots…!!!!!!!
“ONE-SIDED LOVE”
In the dream ,you saw him on a horse…and you as the queen….
For boys…vice-versa was the scene…
But eventually the groom went to another Bride….
Or if you are a boy….the girl took a better guy’s side….
And hence follows the grief of LOVE –ONE SIDED….
Feelings which follow….cant be guided…
I start with what I felt about it…..
I am sure…you too will nod at its every bit…
“When your biggest wish is their glance….
When life itself is no less than a trance….!!
When tears wet your pillow…as you try to sleep…
When you need solitary moments to weep….
Although publically you say….Its A Gone Phase…
Still their one look…gifts you a moment of blaze….
You say ::They aren’t that special…aren’t that nice….::
FORGET YOU MISSION
To distract yourself….ALAS…!!!...you try new ways….
But deep inside….::I WILL WAIT::your heart still says….::::….”
That’s all I know about first shock as a teen…..
Though for a TWO-SIDE-SHOCK…I am still too keen…!!!!!!
“ CONTRA-PARALLEL…”
A shore less sea…
An endless island…
A colorless spectrum…
A drop less rain….
A marooned crowd….
A smiling tear...
A confident fear…
A real lie…
A chainless treasure…
A fake pleasure…
A naughty simplicity…
A virtue less king…
A promise less ring…
A heard song yet to sing…
A dateless calendar…
A petal less flower…
An unfelt essence…
A flowery fence…
A famous book yet not written…
A heartless human...
A faithless devotee...
A trigger less gun…
A married nun…..
An unprinted newspaper...
A boat without a taper…
A mournful optimism….
All above said is opposite to what exists….
I love trying out different…even with RISKS…
Infact there is “no wrong…”
If a right thought has a DIFFERENT SONG……
Because beautiful songs can be created from maverick(unconventional) tongs………J
“ P.S ….I LOVE YOU”
Went up the hill,
The scene was still…
Clouds looked no less than an art piece…
As I uttered a word, it echoed back to tease...
With u, I stood marooned at the peak…
Creeping in, was a nostalgic streak…
Wind swiftly glided my hair to rest at my neck…
First time, I could hear the air, as if on the ships deck…
As I turned back to bring u to the scene…
Although I had seen u for long….but that moment u looked so pristine…
I tried putting the scattered strands of hair behind my ear…
Though passion did grip me…but too did a little fear..
Reaching close…u smiled and looked up to sigh…
I knew what made u smile…but I still ask “why?”
We sit at the edge together…to witness His creation…
Watching together ,made a mere view on the way our life’s destination….
Shared the innocence of a child…
Love of a teen…
Promise of a responsible mate…
Promise to be with each other also in dreadful fate…
A promise for benevolence in all times…
A promise to accompany each other in life’s sweet crimes…
That was our day just before we got engaged…
And in my life’s book…it is still specially paged…
Life sure wasn’t straight…with every footstep ahead, it got curvy…
At times, it did get grey…sometimes topsy-turvy…
The first house…the first kid…
The unsuited job, the cash at times did backslid…
Our daughter’s biggest day…
She was engaged…and u were too sobbed to say…
Through with duties of life which were soaked in the honey of care…
Tired and relieved…I turn around…and found you just right there…
You gripped my hand and closed my eyes…
I got inquisitive…and my dear hubby runs and sighs…
And hence we finally paused…
“At the age of 65…what made u run?
What’s the cause…?”
And u gradually removed your hands from my spectacles…
AND THERE WE WERE…
At the top of the hill…
The scene stood still…
Bliss was around, still a snivel of love dropped from the eye…
So clueless would be the tear if asked “why did you fill in the corner of the eye?”
We sat back again….
Right there …at the edge…
Just the difference was …
Instead of 2 young people in their twenties…
We were the uncle aunt’s in their seventies…
The game of Life did complete its circle, we were the proud players
We had jelled our colours…our spectrum was right here…
“went up the hill…
The scene was still….”
The Last Flip.
3/7/2009
DEAR DIARY,
Despaired of love…
The fake world became my exit door…
My each forward leap was with urge and wishes “no more”…
They call me a ‘SPOILED BRAT’…
Yes I am…
With money as abundant as my anger and smile as meager as love left in me…
They call me a ‘SPOILED BRAT’…
Yes I am…
When people befriend me because of cash…
With them, my moods go off in a flash…
But, I, I stay with them…
Searching the far fetched real fun…
I had to, just because …I saw no other choice…
In front of all, I showcase a hollow poise…
Tired of doing stuff, I myself hate…
To ’drinks, smoke and drugs’…I have become bait…
Left with option…which only cowards opt…
With tears, I climbed up the floor that topped…
Hence I GIVE UP…I give up all worst in me…
By giving up the so called gift…
The gift of “life”…
I jumped off
I jumped off the edge…
*************************
They called me a spoiled brat…
WAS I…???
Or was I misunderstood…uncared or unwanted…
May be, to my ‘self’, I wasn’t just bonded
My contemplated mind asks me-“why you allowed yourself to be kicked around…?”
AN INSIGHT SUGGESTED “I responded to destiny’s knock more than my own wishful sound…”
Wanting to be someone…
I missed out “who I really was…”
I should have wondered a little…I should have paused…
I AGREE…the above mentioned is a loser’s story…
But still to you…it may bring in glory…
Hope you learn from my obscene demise..
Although…I did fall...but I hope you rise
.
Although in this telltale…the moments to accolade me are few…
But I hope it may throw out the loser in u…
I KNOW IT WILL …
I BID ADIEU…..
HE GRANTS….!!
GOD IS THE ULTIMATE ACE
Our success is HIS present……
Our present moment is HIS gift………
For us, our fights are a big rift…..
But HE makes love happen with a little thought drift……
With closed eyes ,when I sit…..
And as the lamp of passion is brightly lit….
I select from his catalogue….my wish list….
Taking care that not a thing is missed….
And….i know…I will be bestowed with everything I have wished…..
HE then lifted me to the cloudy sky……
And in blaze….when I asked…”WHY..??”
HE takes to HIS giant shoulder,::The Little ME::
And HE says…::::::”for success…positive thoughts and words are the key….”
“FEEL AND SAY…what you need….
Just by this …you have sown the success seed…”…
Although this in beginning….might seem a ridicule…
But still wish big….HE isn’t really cruel…..
And from this moment…I WISH BIG….
Ofcourse…TOIL attatched to it…..!!!!!!!!!!.
Straight from father’s heart….
She glittered in red…as the knot was tied….
With a glare in eyes ….as a responsible father …I stood to her right….
As she said “Dad”…with a heavy sigh…
My upheld tears came flooded by…
She brings me joy in grief…
Each falling drops brings in relief….
Each pearl that drops…traces back the time…
And hence I go back in the memory line…
When she was of the size of my hand…
When she loved eating sand…
When she sometimes fell while toddling around..
And uttered “ma..papa”…for us…the most awaited sounds…
When her naughtiness at times…brought a tinge of smile..
She is my reflection…a treasure of my life…
Will I lose my daughter when she becomes his wife…
My pain of distance washes away…
With a hope that her new family loves and respects her in their special way….
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